September 2024
September 29, 2024
I came home this weekend, partially to avoid the temptation of Cult of the Lamb, lol. I'm glad I did because I was able to get some research done for an upcoming vacation that I'll write about after I get back to the states. By 'research' I mean messing around on google maps and seeing what's near our hotel, lol.
September 26, 2024
You know, it really shouldn't be such a suprise to my that I'm so susceptible to rougelike gameplay given how much pokemon mystery dungeon I played as a kid. I have like, probably hundreds upon hundreds of hours in that game. I just never made the connection between it and Hades (and now Cult of the Lamb) because the latter two are a lot more twitchy, action oriented games while pokemon is obviously turn based. I generally would say I'm opposed to procedural generation in most cases if you asked me in a vacuum, so I guess it makes me a massive hypocrite that I love rougelikes so much. Its weird, because it's a genre I never go out of my way to play. I played hades at the request of a few friends, and I played cult of the lamb because it was on the gamepass and I was looking for something new, and it was pretty popular. I don't know what they're putting in this thing but I sunk all evening yesterday and the last two hours today in that game. Something about the gameplay mix. If it was just a sim or just a rougelike I may not have gotten so into it (maybe if it was just a rougelike i still would have lol). I really have a hard time articulating it but I'm just finding the game incredibly addictive. And not necessarily in a good way. When I was playing like, astro bot, I was totally cool to just play a few levels and then put the game down. It is a LOT harder to put Lamb down. I wonder if it's because everything happening in game is on a timer? This timer doesn't move when you're not playing, though, and I think I need to remind myself of that.
September 25, 2024
My laptop is breaking. A third of the screen is constantly shutting off and I have to readjust it every few minutes for it to go back to normal. I almost kind of wish it just stopped working completely so I wouldn't feel the need to keep going with it until it's 100% useless. I started Cult of the Lamb last night. I can tell it's gonna be a massive time sink if i allow it to be. I'm very susceptible to addictive gameplay loops like Hades had and this one is quite similar but with base building in the 'downtime' instead of story. I'm going to make myself stop once I beat the main questline. i will NOT attempt to 100% it.
September 21, 2024
Astro bot good :)
September 9, 2024
I've been watching a lot of doomer "the internet is dead because of AI", "the internet is NOT what it used to be", "social media rots your brain" type videos on youtube, and they've pushed me to try abandoning social media once more. For me this equates to NOT watching mindless youtube shorts and deleting reddit and instagram from my phone, the latter taking up a LOT of my time on mindless scrolling. I've already blocked twitter from my phone to great effect maybe a year or so ago. I still use these sites on my desktop, but not having those apps on my phone makes it a little harder to waste my time on them every single time I have a dull moment. Still caught myself using youtube shorts as background noise while getting ready this morning and remembered that I should be more content with some moments of my life not being filled with meaningless noise. I think I'll link a few videos that were particularly influential to me here, as soon as I can remember how to do that lol.
- This video is about brain rot
- This one made me delete instagram immediately after watching it. I felt massively called out when he talked about how many hours, months, years of our lives will be spent scrolling, and when he asked the audience if we could remember the last handful of tiktoks we scrolled through. He's absolutely right about Tiktok's algorithm being uniquely powerful at attacking our propensity to addiction. Though I did get my ADHD diagnosis before I ever even used the internet, I'm positive that it hasn't helped my symptoms at all even if it isn't directly responsible for 'creating' my ADHD.
- The Internet is All Over
- His cultural commentary can get a little pretentious at times so I avoid his more philosophical videos, but We're in Hell (channel name, one guy) is clearly very passionate about sharing early internet history, a topic I also have some interest in. (and you probably do too, hanging out on neocities and reading random sites with zero SEO like mine). His video on spam is also great but not relevant here. This video I've linked above is about the history of social media, the way it shifted from centering on real life relationships to allowing virtual connections to focusing on influencers and content creators. It talks about why Google sucks now. It talks about dead internet theory. Worth a watch, though less motivational than the other video.
There's a good chance I'm preaching to the choir here (if there even is a choir at all...). The neocities community is already made up of people disillusioned with the wider internet (by which I mean youtube, twitter, insta, and reddit. There really are only four websites now, huh) and Big Tech and algorithms. Regardless, I wanted to share my thoughts here.
Other than deleting the apps from my phone for habit-induced scrolling sessions, I also am trying to make a conscious effort to only browse sites that do NOT make a conscious effort to keep me online longer. Insta, twitter, and youtube shorts are OUT. Reddit is a borderline case. I keep the browser version on my phone but not the app. The browser version is a lot less friendly to users because it's constantly pressuring you to install the app. No thank you! I still use some forums and imageboards. Again, those are different to me because they're updated by bump order/last reply. The ads aren't intrusive (usually) if they exist at all, and because of that there isn't an incentive for the site owners to keep me on there as long as possible.
September 8, 2024
You know, there's nothing quite like a closer more immediate deadline to get me working hard on something with a deadline much further into the future. That is to say, I spent quite a few hours reading children's books today instead of working on the two essays I need to finish this week or doing the reading for class tomorrow. Don't worry, I still found time to play Astro Bot too. What a lovely little game.
A little over a year after adopting them, and it still brings me so much joy to see how deeply my cats trust me. I know it's not a high bar to clear, especially with me providing for all their needs, but it regardless still makes me very happy to see that a creature a tenth of my size has decided that I'm safe enough to sleep next to, safe enough to completely relax.
September 7, 2024
Astro Bot came out yesterday! It's fantastic, as expected. Definitely no Mario Galaxy but it feels great to play a AAA 3d platformer that's new and modern and looks amazing. Something kind of funny is that like the tech demo game, it really emphasizes the physicality of the hardware it's on. This worked really well for the pack in game because it was a pack-in. It's supposed to show off the console, so having the levels heavily reference technology used in the hardware (the four levels were called Memory Meadow, SSD Speedway, Cooling Springs, and GPU Jungle) made sense. They do this in the full game too, with a big 'ol playstation monument in the hub and Astro riding on a game controller like a rocket. It's definitely very cute but it will REALLY date the game, especially if it's ever rereleased on different hardware or future playstation iterations. It's kinda like how gameboy imagery showed up a lot in Warioware (the first game), though many played it on a ds or 3ds for the first time. At least I did. I'm having a great time finding hidden collectibles in each level, and I'm sure my final opinion of the game will be very positive.
It's starting to get colder outside, something I'm not too happy about. I won't be able to wear shorts for much longer, I fear. With the new month, I've also been thinking "wow, this is the last August I'll ever spend in this town". Even though I've lived here for years already, I'm still finding cool new places when I go on walks. Not cool enough to make me want to stay here permanently, but it definitely makes me want to live somewhere walkable like this in the future. That said, I don't want to be in an apartment forever. The way I see it, you get walkability OR a house, and the size of houses makes it pretty much impossible to have both unless you're very wealthy, which I never will be.
September 4, 2024
Today WAS better than yesterday. I overslept and didn't do my reading (of course), but mentally I did a lot better, probably soley because I rose at an acceptable hour and left my apartment for a longer amount of time. can't believe i get ANOTHER weekend after tomorrow. I need to keep reminding myself that many people would kill to have a schedule like mine and that I'll probably sorely miss it when I'm older, but that won't stop me from complaining now.
September 3, 2024
Had a LONG, weird day today. Started off bad, because I couldn't sleep till late last night and then I woke up at five and couldn't fall back asleep, so I got maybe three hours of sleep. Ended up going to the grocery store at 6 when it opened just to do something, lol. Fast forward to the evening, and I took an hour-long nap just now (from like 8 to 9) and woke up sweaty and in a panic thinking it was already tomorrow. And now here I am, readings for tomorrow still not yet done, and probably to be awake for some time yet. I'll get some sleep and come back better tomorrow I hope.
September 2, 2024
Have I already raged against AI on this site? I'm not sure, but I don't really feel like going through all my old diary entries to find out. Anyways, I watch youtube literally most of my waking hours (as background noise!!! I'm always crocheting) and I just saw a couple recent videos talking about/bemoaning how ubiquitous AI is getting. I was thinking about what the 20's will be known for, how they'll come to form a coherent "aesthetic" or "vibe" and what the important historical moments will be. The most obvious answer is covid of course, neatly fitting into the start of the decade. But other than that, I think the rise of AI (by which i mean generative AI) is what people are gonna think of when they think the 2020's. Right now everything AI shits out is pure slop, so it's very easy for me to take an anti AI stance as my own personal hill to die on. I feel like kind of a zealot about it to be honest, truly I believe that there is no value to art not created by humans (elephants and monkeys fingerpainting notwithstanding). but will this stance be harder to take if things that use AI and are actually popular come out? How will I deal with the fomo? Will I just admit defeat? I'm not sure. I thought to myself, "okay, what if the next installment of my favorite show, favorite videogame, etc uses AI? Will I continue to boycott it? I want to say I will, but I just don't know. I certainly won't pay for it, I'll promise that much. It just really bums me out to see AI art in particular continue to improve rapidly and I don't want to be a luddite but I'm wondering if that's where I'll end up one day.
In other news, I finished the book I wanted to (see my log) and I've made good progress today on another creature. I don't think I'll be able to finish all the parts in time to go to the library at opening tomorrow, but maybe I will be ready to sew before they close in the evening. I also have to do some reading for class tomorrow, but I'm only planning on skimming it anyways.
September 1, 2024
Sanity still intact, I'm proud to say! Spent like two and a half hours sewing a piece together at the library. I'm probably a mildly interesting background npc for a number of people now, always bringing in some cute critter to work on at the library, then packing up and leaving without saying a word. Today I listened to a few lemon demon albums again. View Monster is definitely my favorite, and to this day he's the only 'funny' artist that I really truly enjoy. There's a joy in his lyrics that I have a hard time putting into words. I've also cleaned a decent amount of my apartment, dreaded vacuuming included (dreaded because I have to walk outside and empty the thing every few minutes because it's so small and fills up so quickly with cat hair.
A few years ago, my best friend would come over three or four days a week, and so I'd find fallen hair of hers often. It was long and blonde (nothing like my own), so they were easy to spot. One time, peeling a stray hair off of my hoodie, I wondered if this was what it felt like to have a girlfriend. I wonder if she'd be cross with me if she found this? Twoish years ago when I first started the site I shared it with her, but I doubt she returned to it on her own after I initially linked it. This site is ostensibly about 3D platformers, of which she has little interest, so I think it unlikely that she'd try and track it down again. She's probably done a better job at moving on than I have, though. Which isn't to say I haven't made progress! Like I said somewhere else on here, I'm much better off now than I was one year ago.